August 2018


A Letter To My Younger Self

…You were just a kid. You were not prepared to live a life that you had no prior experience. I would hope you have really understood that you were not to blame. Dysfunction was normal, so when peace came, you ran away. But you ran in the wrong direction, into the wrong hands. Not understanding that people knew your weakness. But see, you were just a kid. I really want you to understand that you were a kid. Innocence was stolen but never returned. I just really wished you didn’t slowly fade away. You lost yourself. You drifted away from where no one could find you. I wanted you to realize that you could not mask the pain of emptiness. It was there, right in front of you, and you failed to realize it. But you see that’s what happens when you lack guidance that you are supposed to get from adults. I wish you would have understood that you could not change your surroundings. You had no control over what was going around you because you were a kid Shaurice. A Child, who was incapable of taking care of herself…and you were not supposed to be equipped to know how.

 You were smart Shaurice, practically brilliant! You were beautiful, full of gifts and charisma gave to you from the Most Highest. You didn’t need him to tell you that. He knew you desired love, so he used it against you. But you see, you can’t express an emotion that wasn’t there. Don’t blame yourself for having to grow up so fast. You were just being prepared for a race, that unfortunately you still didn’t win…damn. I just wanted you to see the testimony in the trauma. But its kind of hard to see the sunshine while the clouds are following you. Stop apologizing for the immature mistakes that you weren’t taught were actual mistakes. Consider those test runs.  Allow your mind to understand that you didn’t miss out on a childhood, but you instead were on a journey that prepared you for an amazing adulthood. Release those hurts and pain because they will truly paralyze you when you get older. You used the only tool that molded you into the delicate queen you are now – even though that tool was Pain.

Forgive yourself.

Love Yourself.