Often times I wonder who is really happy? And I don’t mean who is making the most money, or has the most attractive spouse, or even the biggest house in the neighborhood…but legitimately happy? The feeling of happiness that you are exactly where you want to be in life, doing exactly what you want to do and the feeling of that undeniable joy is unexplainable? It seems legitimately easy, right? The problem is that it is one of the most unattainable feelings to get and I think it because no one wants to do what makes THEM happy anymore. Isn’t it crazy that people will Sacrifice their own peace and self-satisfaction for the approval of others? When those same people aren’t sacrificing their goals and or happiness to appease you?
We have so many internal battles within ourselves when it comes to whats best for US! But isn’t it crazy that we can be fighting ourselves for the best ultimate decision for ourselves? You would think you know what you want right? For example, If it was up to me, I would have never gone to college…(yes yes I know) But, instead, I went because I thought it would make my family proud. Having an accomplishment that now 7 years and thousands and thousands of dollars in debt later, I’m in a career field where the degree doesn’t even matter or even pertain to what I went to school for in the first place. Society tells us to do what we want to do, but in the same breath will tell us “but not like that though.” It is important to understand that we ultimately are the ones who have to settle with our decisions in our life, so why do we consider so many other people’s opinions when it doesn’t affect them at all? It underlies a great feeling of acceptance, appreciation, and validation we crave from others that we think we need so bad…BUT WE DON’T!
What we often forget is that not doing what truly makes us happy will ultimately leave the feeling of emptiness, resentment, and regret in our hearts in the end. You are the only one who will have to deal with the choices of your life and it is important we remember that when we are making them! Because at the end of the day you gotta do what’s best for you!
You knew that you didn’t want to date a man without any substance, but yet every night you lie in bed giving yourself to a man who doesn’t even have a job. You knew that you didn’t want to date a man with kids because you didn’t have any, but now you find yourself on Instagram arguing with his baby mommas. You knew you wanted a man who would build you up and push you to your furthest potential, but yet now you are dealing with someone who makes you feel lower than caskets in the ground. Because somewhere between “loneliness road and desperation street”, you stumbled upon an exit called “Settling” and haven’t been able to find your way back yet…
Society makes it as though being single is a curse that has dark gloomy clouds hanging over, which I think forces people to settle just so that won’t have that label…but at what cost? We are willing to sacrifice our peace of mind and our increasing body count just to say “That’s Bae?” We have to stop doing that! Forcing ourselves to be with individuals who we KNOW are NOT for us, AND still complain afterwards! ITS YOUR FAULT! Nobody told you to get in a relationship (I’m using that term very loosely) with an individual who couldn’t even tell you what your last name was. Now, you are mad at the world, and calling your friends everyday to vent about a the very man you told them you would never even give a chance! I often wonder why do we settle? Is it for the satisfaction of not being the “single “bitter” friend” out of the group, or even extreme pressure from your parents to give them grandchildren, or more often times than some, it beats being alone. Society has conform our mind that even being a “side chick” is the new norm, so being single is a thing of the past. But what society doesn’t tell us is that settling can sometimes make some very deep insecurities we have down below come to light. Sadly thinking that you aren’t worth anyone greater or of substance that we know we deserve, so we will take “whatever we can get” in the meantime.
It is extremely important to realize and truly understand our WORTH. Understanding that sometimes our much precious time in figuring out who you are, and what we truly desire from a companion is time spent alone. Remaining patient, strong, and confident in your stance of not compromising will have an impact so great so that you won’t have to settle ever again…
Don’t you hate a victim? And I don’t mean the victims that were sincerely damaged by caused by the pain inflicted from others. I mean the victims that moan, grown consistently about what everybody else has done to them, but never taking ownership of the damage they have done to others? Why are we so afraid to be held accountable? Why are we so afraid to ADMIT that sometimes we are the toxic person? Yes, sometimes YOU are the reason for pain that someone else is feeling. Yes, you are the reason that some relationships have ended; But instead of taking responsibility, some people take the coward road, and will blame others…because that’s easier right?
-I think that it is important to understand that just like people can hurt us, WE HURT PEOPLE TOO. Some ways unintentional, and other with some intent and no regards to their feelings. But its like we don’t want to recognize it, or be held accountable for damage that is done. We are not perfect human beings (no matter how sometimes we try to act like we are) so its important to know that its OKAY to fall short sometimes. However the problem comes from not accepting that you actually DID fall short. Our pride, and egotistical mindset sometimes wont allow us to admit fault, even if it will cause significant pain to people we care about. Understanding there is a time to be unapologetic about issues concerning yourself and your well-being, but seeing the detrimental damage that can be done to others around you is the key here to accept the responsibility that you f*xcked up! We HAVE to start listening to people when they are expressing their hurt that you caused them, instead of defensively trying to persuade them “you didn’t mean it like that.” Understand and realize that in that moment, we have to take accountability for our actions, because it has in some way or another cause disruption in that person’s life.
Sometimes you are the person that messed up…sometimes you are the person causing turmoil in someone’s life, and sometimes you are not the victim! But by accepting responsibility is not only the right thing to do, but the effects of it will improve in how people continue to choose how to deal with you…